That Smile
by thatonecoolkid
Summary: In which the love guru has absolutely no idea what in the world he's doing. GamKar **M for language, sexual implications and possible lemons** Book cover art is definitely not my art! Trigger warnings for foul language, major character death, parent death, graphic violence
1. Chapter 1

**Okay summaries are not my cup of tea, I apologize. Rated M for cussing and sexual implications, and probably some lemon later on.  
Always prepared! **

**Disclaimer: Andrew Hussie owns these characters, not I. **

There's always a certain price you pay when you love someone. It could be a very small sacrifice, like giving up flirting, or having to be faithful, to be tied down. It could also mean that you have to sacrifice your happiness. I mean, even if you love someone, that doesn't mean they have to love you back. Yeah, sometimes, they share the feeling; I'm not being a pessimistic jackass. But a lot of the time, they don't. For me, shit, I'm an expert on love, the person other people keep coming to for advice, the person with a shit ton of romantic novels shoved under my bed where normal guys stash playboys. But wouldn't you know my love life happens to be dry as a rock. A rock in the fucking desert, in a worldwide drought. In theory, I know all about love, but when the experience of it got shoved in my face like a bucket of icy water, I figured out I didn't know jack shit. By the way, I should probably introduce myself before I tell you my whole life story. My name's Karkat Vantas, but you can call me the fucking love doctor. Actually, no, that's about the shittiest name on the planet. This is the story of how I fell in love with a perpetually stoned, makeup wearing, Faygo drinking juggalo. Bet you didn't see that one coming.

I keep to myself a lot, unless of course I'm telling someone to shut the fuck up and leave me alone. So I was on the city bus on the way home to my empty apartment after school, earphones in and blaring to drown out all the psychos that use public transportation, when suddenly one of my earphones was ripped out of my ear.

"What the hell, you fuckass! What was that for?" I yelled at the earphone puller.

"Calm down, motherfucker, you all dropped your pass, that's all." Said the boy, pointing at the floor where my bus pass was laying. A normal person would have grabbed their pass and been done with it, but all I could do was stare at this guy. He had on this absolutely fucking bizarre white and grey clown makeup, and you could just see the outline of three raised scars diagonally across his face, from the top of his right eyebrow to his left cheek. He had crazy, super long black hair that flipped into his eye, and he was drinking from a bottle of Faygo, even though the sign on the bus clearly said no eating or drinking. Probably, the bus driver was too damn scared to tell him to throw it away.

"What's wrong, bro? Looks like you up and seen a ghost." The guy said cheerily.

"Uh n-no, just uh, am-am I not allowed to look, you fucking freak?" I said, putting my earphones back in my ears and keeping my head down the rest of the trip. I couldn't stop blushing. My face was bright red and I could feel the heat, because this kid had the most carefree smile on his face, and all I could think of was how much I wanted that big smile to land right on my stupid chapped lips. _What the hell is wrong with me_, I thought. I shook my head in exasperation and looked up under my lashes just a tiny fraction to see that the guy was staring right at me, that silly as hell smile still on his lips. I felt myself blush even more, and stared at my beat up converse for the remainder of the half hour ride. When the bus came to my stop, giving me the chance to glance up just a little and see that the clown guy was still staring, I rushed off as fast as I could, stumbling a bit on the way down. I walked as fast as my stupidly short legs could carry me down the crowded Portland block to my apartment. Just as I got to the front step, I felt a tapping on my shoulder, making me spin around till I was nose to nose with a boy in white powder makeup. I was so close to him, I could see every single pore of his skin. Jumping back in surprise, I managed to ask him what the hell he wanted.

"You left your bus pass, motherfucker. Just thought I'd bring it to you. Here!"" the boy said, putting the pass in my sweater pocket, and to my extreme surprise, kissed me on my flaming cheek, turned and just walked away. I don't know how long I stood there like an idiot, trying to figure out what just happened, but eventually I came to my senses and unlocked the door, heading up the stairs to my dad and I's apartment. Of course, he wasn't there, out on some business trip or something. It was a relief to not have him there, because I wasn't sure how much I could handle of the awkward silences and the endless stream of really cheap hookers he called "girlfriends". Yeah, I have a shitty dad, but at least he gives me enough to keep the fridge stocked and good clothes on my ass. At the very least I'm fucking grateful, because it could be so much worse. I mean, he doesn't beat me, or drink very much, so I can handle him not being there all the time.

I sat on my bed, and a single thought of the clown guy ended up giving me a little problem in the pants area, my cock throbbing with just the image of that smile, and remembering the warmth of his lips on my cheek just made it worse. I rubbed at the grey makeup that was smudged on my cheek till it was raw. I realized I didn't even know his name, but sure enough I wanted to know more about this ridiculously kind Juggalo. It felt absolutely crazy. I grabbed my clothes and a towel, and went to take a shower, and get rid of my problem.

I don't know exactly how or why it happened. I tell everyone that asks never to believe in the shitty notion of love at first sight, or whatever bullshit people came up with to call it, because it just didn't seem possible. Somehow, I fell into the emotional fucking deathtrap of wanting someone I didn't even know. And all it took was one goddamn smile.

**I am seriously pumped about this.  
:D**

**Bye for now! **


	2. Chapter 2

**I was so excited, I wrote another chapter right away. :3**

**So here ya go :D**

Two whole weeks went by before I saw clown guy again. At first, I would search every single crowded room I went into for the face I'd memorized like a creepy fangirl. Every time I got on the bus, I looked for him. At school, I actually ate in the cafeteria, just so I could see if he would be there (which of course, he never fucking was). I ended up annoying the shit out of my best friend, Sollux Captor. He told me in that stupid lisp of his he thought I was a complete idiot for being so obsessed with this guy, when I didn't even know his name. Shit,_ I_ even thought I was stupid for it. But what could I do when every time I thought of that carefree smile I wish didn't come out more like a grimace when I tried to replicate it, I blushed. Every time I think of that gentle kiss and even his hand in my pocket, I shiver. What can a guy do against that?

After the first couple weeks, I almost forgot about him. I convinced myself it was just a dream; I had to because it was fucking eating me inside. If anyone has ever compared love to acid, they would be perfectly right. I went to school, got good grades, tried not to think of the mysterious boy. My dad came back from wherever he was, spent a week in town, had a parade of girls come in and out, and left again. Same old, same old. I'd begun to forget, and he started to occupy less of my thoughts.

And then of course, when I was least expecting it, he was finally there.

I took the bus like usual to school at the ungodly hour of seven in the morning and got off a few blocks away. My earphones were in and up, drowning everything out, just how I liked it. I felt a tapping on my shoulder, and I swung around quickly, ripping out my earphones, the memory of the mysterious clown oh so clear in my mind. To my massive disappointment, when I looked, there was no one there. With a sigh, dreading what I knew I would find, I looked down a few inches. Without a doubt, there she was.

"Meooow. Morning, Karkitty! What a purrfect day this is!" said a short girl in a blue kitty hat. Her name is Nepeta Leijon. She had her usual cat whiskers and nose on her face, tattooed there for some fucking dumb reason. She's two years older than me, 18, but several inches shorter. All the time, she would come up to me on my short walk to school and call me Karkitty and be generally annoying as hell. She probably has a crush on me, and that's not me being a pompous asshat, that's just how she acts. Usually, I'm able to ignore her, or just put up with it till she gets bored and bounds away cheerfully. Sometimes she even asks me for dating advice, which somehow always feels like she's talking about me, but I'm the fucking love doctor, remember? Today, when she let me down by not being _him_, I was so pissed, I flipped my shit.

"What the hell do you want, you fucking idiot? You scared the living hell out of me, fuckass! Leave me alone, get your stupid furry ass out of here, and don't bug me with your ridiculous cat puns. And stop fucking calling me Karkitty!" I yelled. I immediately felt bad. I may be a jerk a lot of the time, okay, most of the time, but only to a point, and to people who actually at least deserve it a little. Nepeta really isn't so bad, annoying, but not bad at all. Her face fell, and I swear a little tear came from her eye. I felt so bad, but I didn't know what I should say to her to make her know I didn't really mean it, and I was sorry. I just don't know how to apologize to people.

Of course, it got worse. She dropped her head, and started to walk away. A little way down the sidewalk, she grabbed the arm of a really tall guy in a purple striped sweater, with disheveled hair, clown makeup, and a Faygo bottle, who stared at me with the faintest of confused smiles on his face.

"C'mon Gamzee, let's just go. I don't think Karkat is in a very good mood today…"She said, sniffling. She began walking, dragging the boy, _Gamzee,_ with her. The boy never turned around to walk, but walked backwards, reaching in his deep pockets hurriedly and throwing a bottle of now shaken up Redpop at me. I caught it, just barely, and watched him walk away. Gamzee pulled out a bicycle horn and honked it loudly as he and Nepeta walked away, Gamzee laughing, trying to cheer Nepeta up a little. He had a deep, almost guttural laugh, and I fucking loved it. I watched them walk away, staring like an idiot at his back. Well, I guess if I'm being totally honest here, my gaze wouldn't actually leave his perfectly shaped, skinny jean clasped ass, with his polka dotted boxers just peeking over the top. Holy fuck.

And I was supposed to go to school like this? Not happening. DEFINITELY not happening. I sat down right there on the sidewalk, suddenly remembering the bottle that was thrown at me. There was a note taped onto the bottle. I accidentally ripped it in my haste to get it off the stupid thing, laughing at my retarded self, going nuts over a little note that could say almost anything. I shut my mind up, opened the note completely, struggling a little with the tape that got stuck to my finger. The note read:

HeY BrO! cAnT gEt YoU aNd YoUr MoThErFuCkInG ClUmSy CuTe AsS OuTtA mY hEaD. i'M hAvInG a MoThErFuCkIn BaSh aT My hOuSe ThIs WeEkEnD, BrO. iT'S GoNnA Be sO SiCk, It wOuLd bE ThE BiGgEsT MoThErFuCkIn mIrAcLe iF YoU AlL GoT ThErE. i'lL Be wAiTiN FoR Ya tHeRe MoThErFuCkEr. HoNk ;0)

~GaMzEe MaKaRa

I didn't see an address there on the front side of the paper, and I flipped it over. On the back it said:

P.S. bY ThE WaY, fOrGoT ThE MoThErFuCkIn aDdReSs fOr a sEc. CoMe tO ThE BaKeRy aCrOsS FrOm tHe hIgH ScHoOl tO GeT It fRoM Me ;0).

P.P.S. eNjOy tHe fAyGo, MoThErFuCkEr.

There was a huge goddamn set of grey lips on the edge of the paper. For a stupid crazy moment, I brought the paper to my own lips. I pulled away, smacking myself hard on the forehead with the heel of my hand. Stupid, stupid. The paper had cologne on it, the same cologne the clown boy wore. _Did he fucking spritz it with the stuff? _I thought incredulously, _what a strange ass guy_.

Curious to what the appeal of the off brand soda was, I tapped the lid and screwed it open, trying not to get the sticky stuff all over me. I took a long drink of it, and spit the nasty shit out.

"This is so fucking gross!" I yelled. "It's like goddamn cough syrup! How do you drink this shit!"

I could swear I heard a deep laugh and the honking of a horn in the distance.

**Very sorry about how short the chapters are.  
For storytelling reasons, of course. **

**:0)**


	3. Chapter 3

**You guys! All the story subscriptions and favorite authors and reviews make me so happy! You are all fantastic, and I really appreciate the reviews especially! 3  
I think this next chapter will be due reward for your love!  
;0)  
**

_Ugh. _I really didn't understand myself at all. One day, I'm so goddamn excited to see this guy, this Gamzee Makara. The next minute, I'm finding all kinds of excuses NOT to go see him. I didn't know what I was supposed to say, like was I supposed to get the address, and just fucking leave? Damn, I wish this was just easy. But no, of course it's fucking not. Then again, there is that saying, if something takes more effort to get, it's more important. I hope that saying isn't just a piece of shit.

I took a deep breath, picked my sorry ass up from the sidewalk, and started to walk towards the school, and the bakery just across from it. Suddenly, I took a detour, decided once again that it would be horrible and awkward as hell, and walked back to my spot on the sidewalk. There was an old couple staring at me from a fucking diner's big glass window, mouths hanging. God I look stupid. I _am _stupid actually, I thought, punching the sidewalk and grabbing my knuckles in pain.

How badly can it go? The worst that can happen is Gamzee would send my awkward little butt packing. Even the thought sent a twinge of pain to the pit of my stomach. I was already that far gone, I may as well toss myself over the proverbial edge. I got up (again) and strode towards the bakery, for good this time. I won't be a chicken shit, that's how people reject you. Once you become a coward, all the cards are fucking down. Nope, not me. Not a chicken.

Alright, I'm a goddamn chicken, but I was crossing the road to the bakery, and there was literally no turning back. There was a tinkle of the bell on the door as I went in. Gamzee was in the back, wearing a stained apron with "Maryam Family Bakery" stamped across the front. He was lifting a large tray of bread rolls out of some sort of complicated oven contraption. He set the hot tray that would have been too fucking heavy for me to even think of lifting down on a counter, dabbing at his sweaty, hot face with a towel. He wore none of his makeup, he couldn't have, it would have melted everywhere, and if it was possible, he looked even sexier without it. Of course, his scars were impossible to miss, purple as they were. Lots of people would think the scars were a disfigurement, but honestly, they weren't. They just made his face more interesting, if that's even fucking possible.

He turned and spotted me, waving frantically. He pointed to Kanaya Maryam, and told me to wait. She's probably the manager there, since she's too young to actually own it, and her mother was there watching her every move. When I came in, she was helping Gamzee in the back, the two of them laughing together like old friends. Kanaya goes to the same college Nepeta does, and they're pretty good friends, hence how I know her. I don't know her _well_, she's much too prim and stylish for my tastes in friends, and I'm too rude for her taste, so we remain acquaintances and both of us are just perfectly fine with that, thank you very fucking much.

Gamzee brushed his palms together, walking over to Kanaya, and getting her attention. She didn't look too happy to see him, so I figure she doesn't really like him too much. Gamzee gestured at me while talking, and Kanaya looked, sighed and nodded yes, returning to whatever it was she was doing. Gamzee looked me in the eye and strode over to me; his shoulders slumped just a little, like they were permanently like that. Oh my fucking god. The guy walks with _swag_ and he doesn't look retarded while doing it. I am SO out of his league. Like a fucking little league player trying to strike out a pro.

He grabbed the counter thing that flips up, and gestured me under it. As I was moving under, he smacked my ass. He. Smacked. My. ASS. I was pissed. I walked to the back with him, fuming, and he led me into an apartment that was connected to the bakery by a little hallway. I took a second to look around the room while walked back to shut and lock the store's back entrance. It wasn't a big apartment, really, just a living room and a bathroom. The living room was large enough to be comfortable in, with a minifridge, a futon (of course it had a fucking clown pattern on it), and a small entertainment center with a TV and an Xbox being the only furnishing. There was a few faces like the one in the note painted haphazardly on the walls with purple paint, and in one corner was a stacked pile of clothes. Littered on the floor everywhere was a collection of empty Faygo bottles and bicycle horns.

Gamzee walked back in the room, gesturing at the futon with a "sit down motherfucker". But I would not sit down. No fucking way.

"What. The. Fuck. Gamzee. First, I don't even know your name, and you follow me home, kiss me on the fucking cheek, and just leave without a word. Then, you fucking show up with someone I've known forever, but I never knew you actually knew her. She probably told you all about me, but I don't even know a single fucking thing about you! Out of the goddamn blue, like a stupid clown faced miracle, when I'd been looking for you trying to find you for weeks, you show up. I find out your name only from Nepeta, and even then indi-fucking-rectly, and she is not the brightest tool, I'll tell you that. After all that shit, I get a mysterious motherfucking note written in some unintelligible writing in a shitty purple gel pen, and it has COLOGNE ON IT. Cologne! Are you trying to drive me fucking NUTS! Is that your game? Oh yeah, and then when I come over here to go to some stupid stoner party, which I didn't have to do, YOU SMACK MY ASS. You don't just get to smack this ass, you gotta work for it! You haven't earned this fucking amazing ass yet, and I don't know if you ever will be in my good graces after all this shit you put me through!" I yelled. Half of what I said wasn't even what was supposed to come out of my mouth, only a part of it was as sarcastic as I wanted it to be. Great. This wasn't supposed to be a Karkat-spills-out-his-heart-to-a-guy-he-barely-knows session.

For an entire minute, he just stood there and smiled at me with the smile I'd fallen for. I was breathing hard, my fists clenched. I was getting ready to yell at him again for spacing the fuck out on me, and he sprang towards me, grabbing me. I fought for a few seconds, honestly scared for my life. I thought he was going to fucking rape me. I freaked, and stopped struggling for a minute, thinking if I went limp, he would just let me free. When I stopped and he never moved at all, I realized he was just hugging me.

My heart leapt right out of my throat. I'd _dreamed _about this, about his arms around me, but now I was too angry to give a shit. I pulled my arms out of his where they were pinned, and for a second, he let go with a sad smile on his face, dropping his head. But then I jumped at him. I couldn't take it anymore; I was just going completely crazy, because even when he felt let down, he was still smiling just a little.

I jumped at him and caught him off guard so we tumbled right on the futon. I sat there, straddling his lap, and did what I had thought about incessantly for the last week. I kissed him hard, gasping when he thrust his tongue straight in my mouth, deepening the kiss before it even started. We kissed eagerly, both of our tongues fighting for dominance. He wrapped his arms around my waist, grabbing my ass at first, but then shoving his hands up my shirt to stroke my sides and back. I pulled away to breathe, as we'd been sitting there sloppily making out for at least five minutes without a break. I sat there gasping, lightheaded from lack of oxygen. Then I said the most unbelievably stupid thing I've ever said in my life.

"I love you, you stupid fuckass. I don't know why, but I do, and there's nothing I can do about it. I know I'm an idiot, so go ahead and just let me have it." I said, closing my eyes, waiting to be thrown out, yelled at, slapped, anything, because I fucking deserved it for ruining things like this.

**A wild cliffhanger appears!  
Until the next chapter, and thanks for being awesome and treating me so well!**


	4. Chapter 4

**It's been a while since my last update, so here you go!  
You liked that cliffhanger huh? ;0)**

**Anyhow, here's the next chapter :D**

I sat there with my eyes closed on his lap in complete silence for a long time. It had to be only five fucking minutes, but it felt like forever. I opened my right eye just a crack, looking out from behind my lashes. He was just sitting there smiling at me. He had the biggest grin on his face, just sitting there watching me freaking the fuck out after word vomiting everywhere. Snapping my eyes open, I crossed my arms and scowled.

"What the hell are you doing, just sitting there grinning like an idiot?" I said. I could not BELIEVE this. He hadn't reacted in the way I thought he would at all. A normal person would have run away screaming. Honestly, if someone said that to me, I would have screamed at them and then recommended a mental hospital. I keep forgetting just how not normal this whole fuckin' situation is.

"Well, motherfucker. I'm gonna be real honest man. I don't even know what all this love shit is. So I don't motherfuckin know what to say bro. But I think I can try, motherfucker. You're cute as hell, so yeah. You want some faygo, then get our mack on again, huh?" he said with a wink. It felt a little awkward, but hey, at least it wasn't no, right? At least I have a fucking chance. I sat there on his lap dumbfounded for a moment, processing his response.  
"Fuck faygo." I said, and I leaned forward, grabbing his wrists and pinning them securely to the couch cushion, which brought my lips less than a millimeter away from his.

"Oh you wanna play that way, motherfucker?" breathed Gamzee, darting his tongue out to lick my lips. Then he bucked his hips, making me let go of his arms in surprise, and tackled me onto the floor. Now he was sitting on me, straddling my hips, and he leaned over, his wild hair making a curtain.

"Honk." He said, grinning, before grabbing my wrists and pinning them above my head, then covering my mouth with his. His kiss was like magic.

He moved his hips just a bit lower on mine, just barely rubbing against the newly acquired bulge in my pants, making me groan and buck my hips. I wanted so much more than just his teasing.

"Oh, you like that motherfucker?" he asked, grinning. I refused to say anything out of fucking embarrassment, and breathed hard, grinding my hips up and into his forcefully rather than saying anything. Gamzee groaned just a bit, dropping his head into the crook of my neck, only encouraging me further. I wiggled, trying to free my hands from his strong grip so I could gain a little bit more control over the situation. He was much stronger than me, and I had no effect on his grip no matter how hard I wiggled.

He lowered his head and trailed little nips and kisses and licks down my jaw, going so agonizingly slowly I thought I would explode. He switched his grip on my hands, moving them both to one hand, and used his free hand to slide himself down further, hitching my shirt up. He pushed his torso down further on my grinding hips, causing the most friction yet, making me gasp. Then all the friction just left. He was such a fucking tease!

I wriggled and bucked my hips, trying to find some more solid contact to relieve this aching firey sensation in my fucking loins. I groaned when all I found was air now, and gasped as he traced his tongue over my collarbone, moving his mouth lower, closing it over my nipple, tongue swirling.

I moaned in frustration just as the door to the apartment opened. We both looked up, me craning my head back till it was almost painful, to stare accusingly at the intruder. Kanaya stood in the doorway, staring at us, blushing madly once she realized what we had been doing. It was truly a compromising situation.

"Gamzee. Your break is over, and has been for the last ten minutes. Now please, do gather yourself and get back." She said, irritation and embarrassment clear on her face. She looked so fucking stupid, I just had to laugh. She shot me a glare and hurried out the door, slamming it, and we listened in silence as she ranted to herself down the hall and slammed the backdoor to the bakery.

All of a sudden we both burst out laughing. My laugh was really high pitched compared to his, but the situation was just too damn funny for me to really give a shit. He gave me one last long, unbelievably sweet kiss, and stood up, offering his hand to help me stand. I got up by myself, ignoring his outstretched hand.

"Hey motherfucker, it might be pushin' our luck and all, but you should stay till my motherfuckin shift is over and help me. Please?" The scarred boy said, looking at me with pleading eyes. Even if I'd had to go save the world right now, and it was a choice between that and staying here with Gamzee and watching him bake, I would have stayed here, and let the world go fuck itself. But instead of saying that, which would have been really fucking great, I nodded.

He grabbed my hand and led me out to the bakery. The contact of his hand sent twinges to my stomach, and I held tighter. I wasn't gonna let this stupid clown go even if it killed me.

"Hey, Ms. Maryam? Can this lil guy stay and help with the pies, yo?" said Gamzee when we (finally) got back to the bakery. I ended up slammed against the fucking wall on the way back. Apparently, Gamzee can't keep his fucking hands off of me, but that's A-okay with me. This whole thing felt so much like a dream, I would be okay with anything at this point.

"That is perfectly okay with me, Gamzee. I hope you both have fun!" said the woman, beaming. Not only did she have a really striking resemblance to Kanaya, but they also had the same manner of speaking. Fucking personality Deja Vu. She was cool though, not as bitchy as Kanaya could be.

"C'mon motherfucker." He said to me grabbing my hand. He threw an apron and some plastic gloves at me, putting on his own.  
"Okay motherfucker. First, we gotta get the dough all mixed and shit. Then we gotta roll that motherfucker out, put the pie shit I already made in it, throw a top on it, and stick those motherfuckers in the oven. Then, bam. Fuckin' miracles." He said, making it sound simple. It sure as hell was NOT simple. Every time I grabbed the finished dough and got it into a little thin circle, and picked it up to put it in the fucking pie plate thing, it fell apart. It took me twenty goddamn minutes to get just one pie together, and it was one ugly little shitty apple pie. In the time it took me to finish one, he had already made five cherry, five apple and ten key lime, which happened to look like a bunch of green colored shit. Apparently, the key lime was his specialty, and I had the major suspicion that when he made one for just himself, he'd sneaked weed into it. He HAD to have. He's really bad at sneaking around, actually; he literally turned completely around and shook stuff into the mix, and turned back around, grinning like an idiot. He put that one in the fridge and baked it last, all by itself. Dumbass.

Once his shift was over, I was gonna leave, because he had to lock up and it was REALLY late. I hoped my dad wasn't home suddenly, and noticed I'd been out so late. He was never fucking there, but God forbid if he is and I'm even a tiny bit late, he flips his shit, acting like the best fucking parent ever. It surprised me when Gamzee hoisted me over his shoulder and carried me kicking and screaming back to his apartment.  
"Let me GO you fucking retarded, clown faced kidnapper. ARGGH!" I yelled. I didn't hold back, but he was really fucking strong. All he did was chuckle and tighten his grip, and I resorted to pinching his fantastic ass hard enough to leave bruises.

He got into the apartment, set the "special pie" he had also picked up on the way back on the T.V. and dumped me unceremoniously on the futon. He went back to the bakery really quick, and I sat on the futon with my arms crossed, sulking. He came back with two spoons and an arrogant smile, sat next to me with the pie, and proceeded to shove a spoonful of it in my mouth. It tasted fucking amazing, and I swallowed it just as another spoonful was shoveled in.  
"Fuck, Gamzee, let me swallow first! I can feed my fucking self." I said around the second mouthful, grabbing the spoon from him. I also blushed when I realized how fucking dirty that sounded. We sat there eating the whole pie, and I had the sense to stop when the room started spinning. I shoved the pie away and blearily nibbled Gamzees neck, trying to make my way up to his mouth, but my unfocused eyes weren't helping that little endeavor much. He grabbed my chin and kissed my lips and we kissed passionately until my lungs were going to fucking explode.

I laid down on the futon, cramming myself into the corner, and attempting (unsuccessfully) to pull Gamzee down. He was up there just spacing out, and either I was too weak to budge him or he didn't feel me or both, so I snuggled into the corner. Just as I was about to fall asleep, he moved so he was curled behind me, kissed the nape of my neck, and we fell asleep trying to get as close to each other as we possibly fucking could.

**Okay so this turned into a little bit of a 4/20 appreciation thingy /**

**But that's okeydokey!  
see ya! **

**3 **


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay so I've been so ridiculously busy, so I've been super slow at updating!  
I hope this one will make up for the hiatus ;D  
THIS IS A LEMON THERE WILL BE SHAMELESS YAOI YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!  
I don't own the characters or homestuck.**

"You like that motherfucker?" He asked, smacking my ass for what felt like the thousandth fucking time. I wriggled, attempting to make the inch of space between his nether regions and mine disappear, and failing miserably due to the handcuffs securing me to a bar above the futon. The purple polka dotted fluffy handcuffs, might I add. Why he had these so close on hand was made fucking clear as day by his penchant for domination. And I absolutely ate that shit up, surprising myself by being insanely submissive. Me hanging from a bar in Gamzee's little apartment being exhibit fucking A.

Gamzee grabbed my hair and pulled my head slightly roughly to the side, so he could have easier access to my lips. This would have been all well and fucking good if he hadn't ground his still clothed and already hard dick into my ass, making me bite down on his lip hard enough to be able to taste his coppery blood in my mouth. Gamzee growled, and left me hanging there to come back with a riding crop. I looked back, my eyes widening to see it there in his hand. I freaked out at the sight of it.

"Gamzee, don't fucking hit me with that. It's too fucking much, okay?" I said, terror rising in my chest as I had flashes of memory in the back of my mind. There was a man looming over me, belt in hand, pulling the ends together with a loud smack. I was lost in those memories when I felt the handcuffs being taken off, and a half naked body pull me so I was curled in a ball, nestled with my back against Gamzee's chest. I was shaking like a leaf.

"Hey motherfucker, I really didn't mean to scare you. I was just all havin fun and shit, I didn't know it would freak you out so much." said Gamzee, burying his nose in my wild hair and planting a kiss on my scalp. We lay there for a few minutes, me trying to make fucking sense of all this shit, and him thinking about whatever stoner clowns think about in these kinds of situations.

I stopped shaking, and moved as quickly as I could out of his arms, moving to the corner and curling up there in just my fucking boxers. I'd absolutely and thoroughly killed the fucking mood. He crawled over to me, and it was silent as he and I both thought of what we should say, but he apparently decided against saying anything and opted to just curl back up behind to me. We repeated this process a couple of times, until I stopped moving and just snuggled back into his embrace.

"I'm sorry." I said, mumbling it so I was surprised he even heard my little mouse fucking voice.

"I don't know what you're all up and sorry about bro. I ruined all that motherfuckin shit. I should be the one all up and apologizing here, not you." Gamzee said, his voice sincere. I looked at him for a sec, and that goofy ass grin reappeared on his face, and he sat up, crossing his legs Indian style, motioning for me to climb in. I only hesitated for a second, looking into his shockingly purple irises before climbing into the spot that seemed made for my body to be nestled in.

I laid my forehead on his collarbone and just breathed in his smell. The unreality of it all was still there, like this was one of his miracles. To be honest, If I even believed in the fucking things, I probably would have agreed with him on this one, but I was not going to stoop so motherfucking low as to admit it. I'm just too fucking majestic for that shit, thank you very much.

I nibbled on his collarbone, figuring while my mouth was there I may as well take advantage of it. I nibbled my way up his neck, making him sigh, and made my way towards his lips. I went in for the kill, but he dodged me. I went to follow those rosy, full lips of his, and he backed up even further.

"uh uh" he mumbled under his breath, his Adams apple vibrating under my lips. He then proceeded to kiss everywhere on my face, only avoiding my lips. They were more like flutters than kisses, and he made his way from my forehead down my nose, licking the tip of it slightly. He moved his lips so that they were just a hairs breadth away from my own.

"Just how long can you handle this, motherfucker?" He said, his tone challenging. Of course I couldn't fucking back down from that, so I stayed stone still. He smiled, and I could almost feel his mouth curving upward. He traced the tip of his tongue over the top of my upper lip, tracing the cupids bow shape. I could feel his breath tickling my lips.

He traced my top lip, stopping at the corner of it, and placing a feather light kiss on the corner of my mouth. He fluttered those soft, closed mouth pecks until he reached the middle, and then he grinned.

"You win." he whispered, chuckling softly.

Of course, at that point I wasted no time attacking his lips with my own. He responded to the kiss accordingly, showing nearly none of the gentleness he had before. We kissed for a long time, him slowly running his hands across my back and sides and ass until everything except my dick was fucking puddle o' Karkat.

He could definitely tell, because in no time he was sliding one hand up the front of my shirt to thumb my nipple, and wrapping the other around my dick. Oh god, I died and went to fucking heaven. He palmed my dick through my boxers, and my breath hitched when he rubbed his thumb over the tip, spreading the precum already leaking from it, making a small dark spot in the fabric. He removed both of his hands, making me actually fucking whine, to push me down and straddle my hips all in one movement. I had to give it to him, this guy was lithe as fuck.

He smiled at me, pecked my lips once and made his way down to my waist where my boxers were straining to hold back the fucking kracken. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but that's a bit like how it looked. All my thoughts were lost when cool air hit me from the remaining bit of clothes being thrown across the room, followed by the warm suction of Gamzee's mouth enclosing me.

Wasting no time at all, he took it all the way until his nose hit my stomach. I could feel his throat adjusting and relaxing, his tongue moving about. With a long drawn out groan, I reached down and laced my fingers in his hair, and I felt him nod slightly. He pulled back some, slurping drool as he came up, which should have been god awful but was actually really fucking sexy. I guess everything this guy does is sexy, I thought to myself. I pushed his head down some and lifted my hips until he was deep throating me again. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and started gently fucking his throat, drool dripping down to my ass. I didn't give a flying fuck what happened, as long as it didn't stop.

I was close, so close now, all I needed was the tiniest bit more, when the cold air hit my dick, Gamzee's mouth no longer covering it. He wrapped his hand around me, and I whined.

"God dammit Gamzee, I was almost fucking there. Fuckfuckfuckfuck..." and that and his name was all I could say as he took the head into his mouth and sucked hard, his hands wrapped around me and twisting in opposite directions. I yelled his name as the heat pooled and burst in my stomach, him pulling back just in time for my cum to hit his face, and fuck me if that wasn't the most amazing sight I'd ever seen in my entire life.

I'd loved his face and his smile before, but when they were covered in my cum they were ten times better.

He lazily brought his index finger up to his face, swirling the cum around some, then popping the finger into his mouth and sucking it clean. There I was, hard again just because of that, and Gamzee definitely noticed.

"C'mon, lets get all motherfuckin clean. Or dirty if you'd all up and like bro." He said with a wink, grabbing my hand and a couple of towels, leading me to his bathroom, and presumably the shower.

And I thought this whole fucking thing was amazing before.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello guys! This isn't technically an update to the story, but it's been a long time since I updated, I had a huge lack of inspiration. So now, to fuel the plot, I'm going to make things all kinds of twisty turny. So, if violence and drug use makes you squeamish, or huge random plot developments bug you (which as readers of Homestuck, it should not ^-^) then I would stop reading now!**

warnings are basically for some sober Gamzee craziness, jealous juggalo's going AWOL, father anger, and well, maybe the wee-est bit of possible PBJ.

**Updates will happen soon.**

Maybe I should throw a minific in there, so the site mods don't flip.

**The Cat, the Paraplegic, and the Juggalo**

Nepeta Leijion was sitting in history class, bored out of her mind and using her pointed jade green fingernails to scratch an anime kitty shape into the desk. History was her easiest subject, so she couldn't really be bothered to listen about the British Isles today. She made the cat on her desk have an angry face, and put a heart over it. She giggled to herself at the purrfectly depicted picture of Karkat as a kitty.

"Ms. Leijion, do you find what I'm lecturing about funny?" said the portly teacher who had a perpetually crimson face. His chins jiggled when he spoke, and it made her want to continue giggling, and she barely resisted the urge. She mumbled an answer, sinking lower in her seat and scribbling. She looked up as a hand laid a note out on her desk. She looked up the arm of the individual, surprised to see the weird stoner kid with the face paint. How he had gotten in the empty desk beside her without her, or the perpetually bothered teacher hearing, she wouldn't know. She unfolded the note, and read it.

WhO wErE YoU TrYiNg To MoThErFuCkInG dRaW, KiTtY SiS? :o)

She picked up her favorite pencil (which, as you may have guessed, had a cat print on it,) and wrote back.

:33 It's this guy, Karkitty. He's so fun to draw as an actual kitty!

She passed the note back, and ducked her head. She had no idea how to respond to this weird guy, but oh well. Again came the note.

I MoThErFuCkIn' BeT! HeY, So I'm KiNdA MoThErFuCkIn NeW tO tOwN, sO YoU ShOuLd WoRk SoMe InTrODuCtIoN MiRaClEs, AnD HeLp Me FiNd SoMe FrIeNdS tO MaYbE StArT SiCk FiReS Or SoMe ShIt. HoNk :o)

Well, she thought, that can hardly be too difficult. I could introduce him to Karkat, and maybe even Tavros. Equius could probably get a kick out of that too, she thought. Although she didn't really understand what "sick fires" were or even how to start them, she figured she could at least get him started.

:33 sure! I would be glad to do that for you! It is Gamzee, right?

She waited for a response, thinking up people she could introduce him to.

MoThErFuCk YeS, NePeTa! :o)

She smiled, and shoved the note in her pocket.

After her's and Gamzee's history class was over, they were both done for the day, so they went to the school's hub, where hopefully they would meet Tavros. Just as she'd thought, the shy boy in the wheelchair was in the line, having difficulty as usual in trying to balance his food on his lap and count his money to the cashier. Nepeta ran up to him, and took the money from his shaking hands, and gave it to the cashier.

"Th-thank's Nepeta, that was, actually really horrible and embarrassing." Said the boy in his slightly high pitched voice. He noticed the boy standing just behind Nepeta, and stared at him, fauxhawk flopping in his eyes. He'd never seen someone so scary in his life. But the painted boy smiled down at him and proceeded to grab the handles of his wheelchair, and pop it into a wheelie out of the cafeteria, and to a table.

They all sat down, and Nepeta went to get she and Gamzee food. She came back, and Gamz and Tavros were rapping back and forth. It was adorable, and her shipper's heart immediately began planning.

As they were eating, Nepeta began describing Karkat to him. The painted boy looked at her with eyes that sparked in interest, and she wondered for the first time if he and Karkitty had met yet. Her thoughts were cemented when the boy pulled out a purple gel pen, a bottle of cologne, and a piece of paper. She read what he wrote, blushing and internally freaking out a little. She'd always had a thing for Karkat, but this note seemed likee Gamzee was asking him out on a date. She tried to think of a way to deter Gamzee from Karkat, but she couldn't. She resigned herself to Karkat and Gamee maybe having a thing.

"Everything okay, sis?" said Gamzee in his dreamy baritone. She refocused her eyes, hardened her little kitty heart, and said everything was.


	7. Chapter 7

"Fu-fu-ck. Dammit Gamzee. You turned the cold all the way fucking up! You get your ass in here, and freeze your own dick off!" I yelled, jumping out of the shower, shivering violently.

"oops. I switched the motherfuckin knobs. I guess I forgot about it." Gamzee replied almost sheepishly, and turned the other knob on. The water slowly turned warm, and steamed up the bathroom. I was completely fucking naked, and had been since I was undressed several minutes earlier, but until now I hadn't felt self conscious at all. Not even a little. But now, all of a sudden, all I could think of was I had no clothes on, and Gamzee was still allowed to have his jeans only unbuttoned and shirtless. Who the fuck did he think he was?

On a whim, I leapt at him, wrapping my legs around his waist, and tackled him down into the shower. He landed perfectly on his butt, his back hitting the shower wall with a wet thunk. I kissed him hard, wondering what the fuck had gotten into me. I had known him for maybe a couple days, technically for a couple weeks, but that didn't really fucking count. Still, I was here, naked in a shower with him; ripping his pants from him. I felt like the last day and a half had lasted ages, and that I had known Gamzee for much longer. I was jerked straight from my thoughts by him wrapping his hand around me, making me cry out. It felt so damn good.

He stroked me lazily, clumsily, and I rolled my hips into his hand.

"Gamzee, st-stop. Fuck. I want...I want you fucking naked okay, so step- ah!" I protested, but he had reached down and cupped my balls in the hand that wasn't stroking me. I saw stars, and almost forgot what I was trying to do.

"Stop it, damn you!" I said firmly, or as firmly as I could while he still tortured me with his hands and nibbled on my shoulder. I finally managed to break away, and panting, I scooted off his pants and boxers, sliding down, trailing my tongue to the space below his navel, delighting in his shiver. Experimentally, since I'd never even seen someone else hard before, I moved past his dark pubic hair, and ran my tongue lightly down the top of his shaft. He was slightly salty, but the water was washing that away too till I could only taste his skin. I licked in a haphazard line down his considerable length, causing him to moan lightly. I reached the tip, and swirled my tongue around him, taking the head into my mouth and sucking on him lightly, his precum coating my tongue. He tasted better than he looked, and I took him as much as I could without gagging (I wasn't going to fucking choke myself). He rolled his hips into my mouth sometimes going just a little too far. I crept my hand down to touch myself, needing some sort of anything there.

"St-op motherfucker." Gamzee bit out with what seemed like fucking gargantuan self control. He gently pushed me off him, a string of saliva connecting us. I looked up at him, wondering if I'd done something wrong, but he grabbed my butt and hauled me up to straddle his lap again. I dropped my head into his shoulder, gasping as he grabbed both of us with his hand and stroked unevenly. I bit down on him when his other hand reached between my ass, touching my puckered entrance, sneaking in his first knuckle. It hurt, because I was, as much as I hated to admit it, still a virgin, but he continued to fuck our dicks in his hand and, as gently as he could, prepared me. When he could scissor me comfortably, without it hurting me too badly, he withdrew his fingers. I gasped as I was suddenly empty, and bit his shoulder again to tell him I wasn't fucking happy about that fact.

He chuckled under his breath and stood up, bringing me with him. He kissed me lightly on the lips, and spun me around so I could lean my upper body and cheek against the cold shower wall. He put his lips to my ear, biting it, and whispered, "spread yourself for me, motherfucker." I almost came right fucking there with him whispering in my ear. I complied, and braced myself for the pain I knew was going to come. I felt Gamzee line himself up with my entrance, and push the head past the muscle. I bit down on my own arm; it hurt more than I was expecting. I felt like my ass was being ripped apart, and Gamzee buried himself in me to the hilt. I felt warm tears coursing down my cheeks, to my own fucking embarrassment. I tried to stop the sob, but it came anyways as I adjusted to him. He fluttered kisses on my shoulders, telling me to relax. When the pain was bearable, I squeaked out a "move dammit!" and felt him comply. He pulled out almost completely, and shoved him self back in hard, grasping my hips to help push him as deeply as possible. I cried out as I began to feel more than just pain. He did it again, slowly this time, and I moaned loud.

"fu-faster. God. More, I need mo-ah!" I moaned out, yelling when he picked up his pace, thrusting into me, shoving me harder into the wall with each thrust.

"You're so ugh. Mother. Fucking. Tight." Gamzee ground out, going even faster, pleasure shooting from my stomach to the tip of my dick.

"Gamzee, I'm- ugh I'm going to fall! Ah-dammit." I tried to say, and my knees buckled. He caught me, and, still inside me, dropped us to the ground, pulled out, flipped me, and filled me again before my pleasure drugged mind could register what was happening. He pulled my feet up to his shoulders and pounded me faster. He siezed my lips in his own, and at the same time, hit somewhere inside me that seemed like one huge bundle of nerves. I screamed when he hit the same spot again, and at the same time, stroked me in time with his thrusts. I could only seem to say his name over and over as I came on my own chest. My mind was blank, and I felt him come right after me, filling me with his cum and crooning my name to himself. We collapsed in a sweaty mess on the bottom of the shower, the now cool water washing everything away.

After a moment, Gamzee reached behind him and turned the water temperature up, and reached for one of those stupid ass fluffy things people use in the shower. Of course, his was purple, and he squeezed the soap out and worked up a lather. Without a word, he sat me up, and began washing my chest in one of the sweetest fucking gestures of my short stupid life.

He reached my shoulders, and scooted closer, staring at me with an unguarded and only slightly focused gaze, and kissed my shoulders as he washed my back. I closed my eyes and moaned, the soapy poof scratching my back and enhancing my post sex afterglow. The water rinsed off the soap, and I grabbed the poof from him and told him to turn around. He complied, and I gasped as I saw what was on his back.

There was a long scar moving from his shoulder to the middle of his back. I assumed he would have gotten that one at the same time he got the others on his face. Wondering how he'd gotten his scars for the first time, I lightly stroked the length of the one on his back. He shuddered under my fingertips, and I kissed just the top of it.

"What the fuck happened to you Gamzee?" I whispered into his skin, trying to imagine what kind of accident could maim someone this badly. Gamzee reached forward and shut the water off, the silence swallowing me up. It couldn't possibly have been an accident, and he so much as confirmed that when he sighed.

"Don't worry about it, little motherfucker. It's all up and nothing, really, bro. No worries!" He said, and I didn't believe him even a little. I got out of the shower, and grabbed a towel, getting my ass outta that shower. I found I couldn't hold myself upright, I was sore as fuck. There was no doubt it would be worse in the morning. Of course, he didn't have to fucking tell me anything. We barely knew each other, but I couldn't help but feel the sting of him not trusting me enough to at least tell me what happened. He scrambled out of the shower, and picked me up, laying me on the futon. He went back and grabbed a towel, a box, and a lighter, and left me there on the futon with the towel wrapped around my waist. He only went out to the hall, closing the door, and I heard him slide down the wall. I was really tired, so I drifted off, and was awoken as soon as he closed the door. I was a very light sleeper at the best of times, but I kept my breath as slow as I could get it, not opening my eyes.

I felt and heard Gamzee come to the side of the futon, and he stood there looking at me for a minute. Then I heard the sound of him putting something, probably a pair of boxers, on. He crawled into the futon behind me, and I scooted over a little to help him fit, trying to pretend I was still asleep. He smelled like pot, and I covered my nose with my hand. Tomorrow I would have to go home, and hopefully my dad was still gone, I thought as I fell back to a fitful sleep with Gamzee's warmth curled up behind me.


	8. Chapter 8

**TRIGGER WARNING!  
There's abuse in this chapter, so be forewarned.  
Much love!  
Don't own homestuck!  
**"I will be just fucking fine, Gamzee. I don't see why you need to walk me home, you idiot. I'm not so little I can't protect my damn self in a city I've lived in for ages..." I grumbled under my breath while walking down the street with Gamzee towards my house. I really would have been just fine. I've been walking on these streets for god knows how long, and generally people leave me the hell alone. But I couldn't really be pissed, or at least be very pissed, that Gamzee was with me this time. The warmness of his hand staved off the cold a bit, and it felt good to actually have company, believe it or fucking not.

Sometimes I wondered how I'd never really gotten hurt here. Compared to the _other_ place we lived, this would have been the more likely place to have been in some danger of getting attacked. Apparently not. I was dragged from my thoughts when Gamzee stopped. I'd kept walking, but suddenly my hand was jerked behind me. I stumbled, with a what the fuck Gamzee tumbling from my lips, falling silent when I realized we'd reached my apartment and I hadn't noticed. I chuckled under my breath a bit nervously. I didn't want my dad to be home, because I hadn't been home in a few days and he was annoying after I was late the last time a whopping three fucking hours.

I went up the stairs, and Gamzee thought that would be just the right place for an ass grab. I squeaked, surprised, jumping up the last two steps. Gamzee laughed out loud at my reaction, and I opened the door, stomping inside.

"Hey come back here, motherfucker, I didn't mean to laugh." said Gamzee, still chuckling a little, following me inside. I was halfway up the stairs before I stopped, turning and standing with my arms crossed. I must have looked really fucking funny, because he laughed again, and I stormed up the rest of the stairs, grumbling.

"Hey you. I didn't mean it bro. Wait!" Gamzee called, taking the steps two at a time. Unfortunately my two little legs couldn't keep me very far ahead, and Gamzee grabbed me around the waist from behind, holding me up in the air as my legs kicked. Finally, I stopped, and just dangled there. He put me down on the stairs, but pushed me against the wall of the stairwell, seizing my lips in his passionately. I was helpless as he deepened the kiss and my mind sailed away, worry about my dad becoming nonexistent. Until his voice sounded at the top of the stairs.

"Karkat, get the fuck in this apartment." my dad slurred. He was drunk. I had never, ever come home to a drunk father, and my worry increased tenfold. I pushed Gamzee away gently, telling him with my eyes that I would talk to him later, but he needed to fucking leave. When I got to the door and stepped past my dad, I could smell his breath. Something was definitely wrong.

"So I get home for the first time in weeks, and not only are you fucking late by an entire day, but I go out to find you, only to catch you sucking face with a fucking _flit_ on my doorstep. You know exactly what I fucking think about that Karkat, you sick little fuck. What the hell is going on? How could you fucking do that to me after the week I've had? I got fired Karkat. I don't have a fuckin job now. How could you add more fucking stress on, you little inconsiderate shit?" He yelled, stumbling over the carpet and then the cat as he attempted to pace the room.

"So fucking what, dad? Just like you said, you haven't been home in fucking weeks. I was only gone one night, and you're already flipping your fucking shit about it?" I yelled back, hoping he would let the other part go.

"I don't even really fucking care about you being late, dumbass. I think the bigger issue is what I fuckin saw when I went out to look for you. What are you, some kind of faggot now, eh? Is that your boyfriend, you disgusting motherfucker. Do I need to get you checked for AIDS or some shit, now? Huh, faggot?" said my dad. By this point, he was fucking looming over me. He stepped closer with each word, until my butt hit the couch; I couldn't back any further away from the putrid smell and saliva flying from his mouth. With the last faggot, he gave me a huge fuckin shove. I sprawled over the back of my couch, landing painfully bent in half, my legs going over my head before my momentum finally carried me to the floor. A finger smashed into the floor, my body crushing it and I cried out in pain. My dad stumbled over to me, and kicked my upper arm twice, savagely, making me sprawl over onto my side. I held my hand and pulled my knees close. My dad spit on me, and I felt the glob hit some of my exposed torso. He stumbled over me once again, and grabbed a beer from the table on his way out the door.

I lay there curled on the ground, pain shooting through my finger and my arm where the steel toe had connected, and cried. I thought, maybe, if it was his own son, then maybe his stupid fucking homophobia wouldn't apply, but apparently I was wrong. I hadn't ever seen my dad drunk before, and he'd never hit me. I balled, but soon felt myself being scooped up into a pair of arms. I flinched, but looked up to see white and gray face paint and concerned indigo eyes.

He didn't say a word as he gathered me up and rocked back and forth. I continued crying, I couldn't seem to figure out how to fucking stop, making a huge wet stain on his purple shirt. I clutched onto his shoulders, ignoring the pain in my finger and arm till I couldn't handle it any more.

"Gamzee, how did you know to come back?" I asked, sitting up and wiping my face. The tears were still coming, but I was in complete shock, so I guess I just went on fucking autopilot.

"I waited for you motherfucker. He was drunk so I waited. And I heard the yelling and a thump, and he stormed out, and all up and pushed me. I came as soon as he was up and gone, and well, wouldn't you motherfucking know, here you were." he said, smiling at me with hazy eyes. I think I cried more thinking of him waiting to see if I was okay, but I would never admit that.

He stood up, offering me his hands to help me. I got up myself, but told him how I'd smashed my finger. He grinned.

"D'ya have like, a motherfuckin first aid kit or something karbro? I can fix that shit right the motherfuck up. I'm all up and certified." he told me, beaming with pride at being able to help again. I shook my head at how he could still seem to be smiling after what had happened, but I guess someone had to.

He used a tongue depressor and some gauze as a splint on my finger, after finding that it was probably broken, or at least badly sprained. I didn't want to go to the hospital because I knew they would ask me what happened, and I didn't quite feel up to lying to them. I was still processing everything myself. When that was done, Gamzee walked around a little until I figured he was looking for my room, and I led him upstairs to the second part of the apartment. I wasn't sure if he was going to stay, or he was going to leave. If I wasn't finally catching up with the shame I should feel at what happened, I would have asked him to stay, but I didn't want to seem even weaker than I already did.

He answered the question for me anyways when he took off his pants and shirt, and crawled into my bed like he fucking owned the place. He gestured for me to come over with one finger and attempted a sexy pose, one knee drawn up and one flat to the bed. I could just see the bulge in his boxers.

I lost it when he said, "Paint me like one a those motherfucking french ladies, Karkat." and laughed hard, sitting on the edge of the bed. The laughing quickly turned to sobs that shook my whole body, I guess my emotions were still catching up with tonight's shit. Gamzee pulled me down into the bed, taking my shoes and my pants off of me gently, barely touching me. He gathered me up with my head on his chest, and I fell asleep to whatever tune he hummed under his breath and the sound of his heartbeat.

**I had **_**such**_** a hard time writing the abuse scene ;^;**


	9. Chapter 9

**It's been ages since I updated this guys I'm so gomen  
I'm thinking of wrapping this up with some plot twists, thanks to a review I got giving me a good Idea of how. :D I'll credit you when the time comes, of course.  
**_"Karkat, baby c'mere." says the lady in the hospital bed. Her sweet, delicate face looks up, laugh lines crinkling the corners of her eyes. A boy moves to the side of the bed, clutching both of her hands in his together. Even the gentlest grip seems crushing to the boy, her hands are so frail and weak. The boy strokes his mother's head where tumbling onyx curls used to be, and now he feels only the smooth paper of skin. A tear lands on their joined hands, and the woman and the boy look at each other with sad eyes. They both know what is going to happen, her breathing getting quieter, weaker. The boy leans in, wishing his dad were here, but also glad he isn't. They'd said all their goodbyes, and now it's time. The woman sighs a last time, but the sigh isn't laden with pain and difficulty. This one comes easy, relieving, and the woman is gone. Ignoring the harsh flat tone coming from the monitor, the boy curls into his mother's side and cries.  
_

I sat up in bed with a start, breathing hard. The dream began to fade in my mind the second I woke, and I wiped the tears from the corners of my fucking eyes. I looked over to the sleeping form next to me with makeup smeared on the pillow and drool seeping out of the corner of his mouth. Gamzee wasn't awake yet, thank fucking god. I got out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom, still mostly asleep. Looking at myself in the mirror next to the toilet, I noticed a huge fucking bruise on my arm. The bruise was the size of my fist and an angry purple color.

I remembered what happened last night, so I poked at it, and it hurt. Of course, it fucking hurts you idiot, you were kicked in the arm by a steel-toed boot, I told myself.

Suddenly, a strong pair of arms seized me from behind. Remembering what just happened, I squeaked and fought my way out, panicking, but I realized the hands were gentle and calmed the fuck down.

"Motherfuckin easy there, babe." murmured Gamzee from behind me. He buried his face in my neck and bit gently. I moaned, not caring at this very moment that my teeth weren't brushed and my finger hurt. He ground his crotch into my lower back from behind, and I stood on my tiptoes and pushed back, my uninjured hand gripping the edge of the sink, turning my knuckles white. I looked up at the mirror, seeing us reflected. My face flushed and my eyes half closed, hand gripping the sink like it would fucking float away. Gamzee looked up at our reflection, grinning at the scene displayed before him. He gripped my shoulders and tried to turn me around for a proper kiss, but as I was spinning, my finger caught the edge of the sink and a sharp pain lanced through it.

"OH MY MOTHERFUCKING GOD THAT FUCKING HURT!" I howled, cradling my hand to my chest.

"Aw damn, motherfucker, I didn't mean to..." said Gamzee, concern clouding his eyes.

"OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T FUCKING MEAN TO, BUT GOOD FUCKING _GOD_ THAT HURTS!" I screamed at him. I walked back to my room, Gamzee following me and looking a bit like a lost puppy. I grabbed a pair of black jeans from the drawer, putting them on with one hand, jumping around to shimmy them up my hips. Gamzee tried to help but I just shoved him out of the way. With the pants on, I went for a black shirt, gingerly putting my injured hand in the sleeve. Over the top, I threw on a charcoal grey hoodie. I was feeling colorful today. Gamzee had given up trying to help by now and was putting his own clothes back on.

"Where we going to motherfucker?" asked Gamzee.

"To the fucking hospital, genius. I fucking broke my finger!" I said to him. Even though I had more on and a broken finger, I still beat him getting dressed. He seemed to have spaced out with his pants around his ankles on the edge of the bed, and I walked over and smacked him on the back of the head so he could hurry up. Jesus, this guy is fucking slow. I went downstairs without him, taking care not to jostle my broken finger. I grabbed a banana, peeling it with one hand and taking a huge bite of it. I was finishing the first bite when he made his way downstairs. Taking a second to admire his gait, I shook my head and started out the door.

"We just walkin', motherfucker?" he asked me.

"Yes, I have no car, and the bus is too fucking slow!" I said, my voice still raised in volume as well as pitch. That smack on the sink really killed me. We began walking in the direction of the hospital.

"Your name please dear?" said the sweet grandmotherly lady at the emergency room front desk.

"Karkat Vantas, September 1st 1995." I said gruffly.

"Okay may I please have your hand for the bracelet?" she said as soon as she'd finished entering all the information. It seemed as if it took several fucking centuries

"Here, and could you please hurry the hell up this fucking hurts!" I said, offering her my good hand.

The lady just chuckled a nervous "hoo hoo" and strapped the bracelet to my wrist. We were called by the nurse within five minutes and were led into a stark white hospital room. I jumped up on the bed with the crackly covering, accidentally smacking my hand again on the edge. I cursed my shortness and told the nurse to fucking hurry up with getting all the useless shit that wasn't actually that fucking necessary. I don't see how my temperature has anything to do with my fucking injury but oh fucking well. The nurse left to go get the doctor and Gamzee and I were alone in the room. It was quiet, the sound of the florescent lighting buzzing.

"Has your dad always been this motherfucking crazy, bro?" he asked me.

"Well, if you're wondering about the homophobia then fuck yes he's been that way for as long as I can remember. He even fucking sneers at gay people he sees on the street, or he yells at 'em. He's an asshole, but he has never fucking done that before to me. I guess even if it's his own son it's a fucking huge deal." I said, uncomfortable with the conversation. Yeah, my dad has always been a fucking jerk, but he's never fucking gone that nutso on me before. He never even used to spank me as a child.

"But he's never done that before though, right?" He asked me, his voice sounding concerned, but also thick with another emotion. His face was twisted into an expression of disgust, making it clear what his thoughts on my dad were.

"Well, no. he's never fucking around enough to even think of doing it. Sure, he's a crabby guy, but since mom died, he hasn't even really been around, except for once every couple of months to get drunk, fuck, and give me money for food. He's always fucking working, on business trips and all that." I said, shifting in my seat and making more crackling noises.

"Someone needs to teach that motherfucker a lesson, man." said Gamzee. His voice had lost all of its usual dreamy quality, turning hard. To tell the truth it fucking scared the shit out of me.

What do I even really know about this guy? I found myself asking yet again. This whole conversation was uncomfortable, and all I wanted was my Gamzee back. I remembered that he hadn't had any weed in over 24 hours, so I figured maybe that was partly the cause of his shitty mood.

"Gamzee, he's never fucking done it before and he won't again. So can we please just drop it and get on with this?" I said, worried. Just then, the doctor came in and started asking me questions. I lied (of fucking course) and told him I'd fallen off my skateboard on the way to Gamzee's house today. It was about the shittiest excuse, but I couldn't fucking think of much besides Gamzee's mood change at the moment. The doctor didn't look like he believed me, but nodded his head and told me the nurse would be in to take me to x-ray, bustling off around the curtain.

I hadn't noticed Gamzee leave the room, and I sighed internally, hoping whenever I saw him again he would be back to normal. I let my upper body lay back on the paper, legs dangling off the edge. The room was quiet and empty without Gamzee there, and I angrily wiped a stray tear from my cheek.

***  
**I'm sure you can sort of see where this is going? Also, genre change, from Romance/hurt/comfort to Romance/comedy/angst.  
Until next chappie!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay, so it's been a loooooooong time since I updated last, I do apologize. I am one rather busy guy. anywho, back to the story**

**Since updates haven't been regular at all, I've decided to throw three small chapters together and post one now, one this evening and one in the morning, to make it up to all of you!**

**as always, I do not own homestuck.**

The nurse came back with the x-rays and told me that my finger was just sprained badly, and that all I would need was a stupid ass, fucking splint to go on it.

"Do you have a ride, Mr. Vantas? Looks like your friend went home, and I think he took your skateboard with you." the nurse said, adding a bit of sarcasm onto the end, telling me she didn't fucking believe me either. All I wanted was to get out of here, so I didn't give two shits. Nope, not even one. I wondered where Gamzee went, and worried about him.

"Just gimme the phone, I'll call someone." I said, trying to be nice to the lady so she would let me leave as soon as possible. The lady smiled at my change in attitude and told me to follow her and while she was filling the pain meds for me, I could use the phone in the hallway. I got up carefully; trying not to bump my hand and make it hurt again, and followed her. Of course, my legs were fucking asleep, so I hobbled more than I fucking walked like a cripple. In the hall, I picked up the phone, and tried to dial Sollux's number, since he had a car. I had forgotten to press nine so I slammed the stupid thing down on the receiver and tried again. This time it worked and Sollux picked up.

"Hey Sol, I need you to come pick me up. I hurt myself today, and dad's gone somewhere, you know how that shit is. Can you come help me out? I'll give you a couple of bucks for gas if you want, fucker. Okay just don't fucking take forever you conscientious asshole. Yeah sure, fuck you. Thanks, Bye." I said, and the nurse motioned me to the chairs outside of the pharmacy, which I sat my ass in.


	11. Chapter 10point5

**Installment 2 of danny was lazy and didn't write anything for ages.**

** blackfiremaster104 Oh no dear, I'm going to do several more chapters, these shorties are to make up for lost time (and also organization)!**

**I also love you all! woot love all around, friends.**

Gamzee walked down the hallway to his little apartment, seething and trying not to punch out Ms. Maryam's wall. He was trying very hard to hold onto his sanity, and he made it to his room without incident. It had been a night without his calming herbs, and he only regretted it a little. He picked up the box he kept his stash in, and found it had been emptied; only a note was left inside, and it had one word "Gotcha." in Kanaya's handwriting. He cursed and threw the box at the wall. He was breathing hard, and he felt himself slipping away, as if his mind was inside a bucket with a hole. He yelled and flipped the futon on its back, then sat down on the floor, trying to get a grip on himself. He cried, and told himself he could handle it, that he didn't want to go back. That he could take care of himself. He didn't want to move again. He didn't want to do something he would regret. Eventually the crying turned to laughing. The laughing was in his head, booming in his ears, until it burst out of his mouth. He sat on the floor laughing for what could have been forever.

Then he stood up, and painted his face, grabbing a horn and two clubs on his way out the door.


	12. Chapter 11

**Bad Myrin, for leaving you guys here with a cliffhanger and no update for a million years. Oopsie!  
Got super busy, I'm hoping to wrap this up here in the next week or so. It's been so nice getting all this feedback and follows, I'm gonna miss this story, I think.  
anywho  
here we go again!  
**

The man stumbled down the dark alley, godforsaken that it was. It was still light out but the buildings surrounding the alley cast black shadows, throwing the area around him into darkness. He leaned against the brick wall, puking here because he was too drunk to find the bathroom and too alert to puke on the bar. That seemed to be the constant state of his mind lately, too alert to escape and not nearly drunk enough to forget. His wife had been dead for a few years and still every time he shut his burning eyes all he could see was her lifeless eyes and porcelain skin. They would haunt him forever, no matter how many whores he screwed or how many bottles he drank; he would still only see her eyes and his son curling around her as if he could somehow put the life back into her body.

If he really let himself think, he knew he resented his son deep down because he was there for her when she left them and he was out on some stupid errand. He knew the feeling was irrational, but he could not help it. He guessed that's why he chose to take his out of town shipping job. He didn't know how to be a father without his wife, so he found it easier to just run away on the pretense of making money so they could live. He hated himself for it every day because he knew he was just fucking up his son even more, he even blamed himself for his son being a fag. _Maybe if I were here more he would have found a nice girl or something, instead of that fucking queer. _The man thought. His insides bubbled with rage and disappointment, and whether those emotions were for his son or himself, he couldn't tell. He supposed it was a little of both.

The man started as he heard someone walking towards the alleyway, _some dumb ass juggalo honking a horn_, the man thought, and turned back to his thoughts.


End file.
